BDSM Rules
Rules apply in each (temporary) relationship between a master and his submissive. Just like anywhere else in the world of BDSM, there is no “standard”, or “common”. Each ‘relationship’ between dom and sub is different. As such the rules that are used during an SM session or a full BDSM lifestyle are different. Each dominant will have their own personal preferences. And not each rule applies well to each submissive.
BDSM rules are the foundation between the dominant and the submissive that define their play space.
When to define rules?
When to specifically define rules is different every time. It depends on the kind of rule and on the situation itself.
I usually make a difference between “session rules” and “permanent rules”. You will be often confronted with (one-time) BDSM session rules at the start of our sessions. Of course I, as the dominant, can introduce or modify rules during the date to improve the tension, punish you better, or alleviate your stress.
The ‘permanent’ rules also apply between us outside of running sessions. They will be introduced when there is a certain commitment between us, or is there’s a remote dom/sub relationship. The interesting part of the permanent rules is that they also affect other aspects of your life, such as your bed rituals.
Experimenting with rules
Nothing is preventing you from also experimenting with SM rules in your existing relationship. They can add a new erotic tension. If both of you have only little experience, it’s important to safely practice BDSM!
I often recommend introducing a new rule for a certain period of about a day, and then evaluating the rule for permanent introduction afterwards.
Examples of BDSM rules
Only the creativity of his mind limits the dominant in imaging new BDSM rules. If you search on the internet you will find a large number of examples in this area. If you do, you will find a large number of rules that apply broadly accross multiple Doms.
I’ll include a small sample of the kind of SM rules I often use.
Safety
She always has the right for ‘Mercy’, which makes Him immediately stop what He is doing. In the case she already feels she will need to call for ‘Mercy’, she will shout ‘Orange’ to warn Him in advance. Requesting ‘Mercy’ when it’s not strictly necessary, will be punished severely.
Verbal
On the verbal front, you can image rules like:
- How should a sub speak? Is she allowed to use the first person form (I, me and mine) to refer to herself, or is she only allowed to use third person form (this girl, she, her, your toy, etc). For instance in the books on Gor, kajira are only allowed to talk in third person.
- Is the sub allowed to speak at any time, or just when she is asked a direct question by her Master?
- How does the submissive address her master or dominant? Does she need to use a formal tone?
Behaviour
On the behavioural front of a BDSM slave girl, you can image rules like:
- May the sub directly look into the masters eyes?
- How should the sub deal with her emotions around the Master?
- Is she allowed to reach her climax? Or does she need explicit permission for that?
- How should the submissive handle BDSM toys and erotic toys?
- Should the slave girl keep in active contact, and in what way?
- Does she need to offer food and drinks to her Master while kneeling?
- Is there a mandatory collar or choker around her neck at all times?
- Periodically applying and wearing a brand/sign on her body.
- Asking permission to sleep in bed.
Physical
Especially in the area of looks there are a number of rules to image, such as:
- Does she need to wear specific types of clothing during certain meetings?
- Is she forbidden to wear certain kind of clothing (like underwear) at all times?
- Does she have to shave or wax parts of her body at regular intervals?
Relational
When a slave girl and her dom take on a more serious relationship, it’s important to include rules surrounding relationships and (erotic) contacts with others.
May either the dom or the submissive have (intimate) contact with others?
Limits
Of course defining the hard limits within the relationship is very important.
Total Power Exchange or TPE365
If you both decide to (temporarily) go above and beyond, and make the Dom/Sub dynamics even more intense, you have the concept of Total Power Exchange. Within a Total Power Exchange (or TPE365), the submissive is without rights, without worth and the property of her master.
Warning: This is a very intense psychological experience, and should not be considered lightly.
(Of course you can also use only some elements without the full extent of a TPE)
Rules that could apply within a TPE are:
- That the SM slave girl cannot wear clothes in the house.
- That it’s not permitted to eat or drink anything without first taking care of her Master.
- That the submissive has a daily chore list for house cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc.
- That she has to shower and wash her Master every morning.
- That she can only eat while kneeling on the floor, and is not allowed to use utensils.
- That there’s a daily allowance, but no other financial means available for her to spend without permission of her dominant.
BDSM contract example
I, of course, have a common set of base rules I often use during my BDSM sessions. They form a BDSM contract. To save effort for starting dominants, and already provide some guidance for curious subs, I put a few examples online here.
I’m personally a huge fan of forcing the submissive to only speak in the third person form. All my BDSM contract here are thus drafted in that form.
The simplest is an example BDSM contract for a single BDSM session.
Let me know if you have any suggestions or questions!